A Fat Girl, Interrupted

#31DayReset: Day One

2011-08-02T01:43:00.000-04:00

So, I know I have been ghost in these parts. Things have been quite busy in all other aspects of my life (job, Belle-Noir Mag, life in general). So when I came across a post from a friend on Facebook about a 31 Day Reset Your Life project, it definitely made me stop: a chance to re-focus, hopefully get myself centered, and get back to writing on the regular? Sign me up!
Check out more about the Happy Black Woman 31 Day Reset. Here's my Day One entry:

Choose Your Reset Notebook
I have a pretty fuchsia leather bound journal that I had purchased several months ago at Barnes & Noble. I think I have written all of two entries in it. Luckily, I was able to cut those two pages out. I do anticipate writing more on my blog than in the journal (it's just more convenient). But I also want the freedom to be able to write more personal things there that the blogsphere doesn't need to see.

Choose a Personal Mantra
“It’s never too late to be who you might have been.” - George Eliot

“Good things happen to those who hustle.” - Anais Nin

Choose a Theme Song

"Just Fine" - Mary J. Blige

I'm off to put my theme song on my cell phone for my wake-up ringer! Looking forward to the challenge.

Late Night Musings: No Longer Gray

2011-05-16T08:00:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago, I had a dream about a friend of mine that for several years I referred to as Mr. Gray Area. He was a great friend (most of the time) and we had crossed the "Friends with Benefits" line forever ago. The Gray Area lay in how we both had feelings for each other and could easily joke about how our friendship was the longest "non-relationship relationship" we had both been in. Not a healthy relationship, I know. Back in June 2010, he had once again cancelled an outing last minute and I basically sent him an email saying that things were not working. For better or worse, for several months, we'd basically only just sent text messages and emails back and forth.

The dream I had a few weeks ago was of me receiving in the mail an engagement announcement from him. He was announcing his engagement to a young lady whose name I don't remember from the dream, but I also didn't recognize her as any of his friends that I already knew. What I remembered was that he was happy. The picture of him and this woman radiated happiness. I'm someone who knows his happy smile. I've seen it before--whether aimed at me or some other female. And it was clearly in my dream. The next scene in the dream was me all dolled up walking into the engagement party. Several of his friends--both male and female--were there, looking a bit surprised that I was there. In my mind's eye, as I dreamed, I was a bit surprised too. My friend came running over to me in the dream and gave me the biggest hug, told me how happy he was to have me there, and immediately introduced me to his fiance, who was a true sweetheart and exactly what I knew he'd want in the woman he'd want to finally give his heart to and settle down with. She gave me a hug as well, said she'd heard all about me, and was so glad that I was there to celebrate with them.

"I am too." I said with an honest smile. And then I woke up.

I told my friend about the dream in a text message today after he shared a dream he had about me just last night. We recently spoke on the phone for the first time in months and it felt like old times. He called me and was asking me about the dream and wanted more details. A friend of his (female) was at his apartment, listening to him ask me questions about the dream. She asked him a question (I did not hear what), but his response was: "Hey, if she had a premonition dream about my future wife, I need to know what I should be looking out for."

I didn't have the heart to tell him that while I have had some dreams that have come true in parts in the past, this dream was more about me than him. For the longest time, I feared that exact scenario in the dream. My own feelings for him did not warrant me wanting to see him with anyone else. Call it an extreme ego moment, but for the longest I beat myself up about "why not me"? I saw myself as the woman he could build with, who would hold him down and be there for him "for better or worse". And I was not sure my bruised ego or broken heart could handle hearing that he'd found happiness with someone else.

The dream represents my being over Mr. Gray Area. My recognizing that some things are just not meant to be, and finally being at peace with that. That is the first step. And for it, I am grateful.

Times Like These...

2011-05-15T08:00:00.000-04:00

It is amazing how when someone dies, everyone seems to stop and do a personal inventory. They look at their life and inevitably, some ask themselves, "If I died today, what is my contribution to the world? What is my legacy?"

On May 10, 2011, it was announced by Plus Model Magazine that Plus Model Mia Amber Davis had passed away. At the time of my writing this, the details behind her death are as yet unknown, but for me, are unimportant when compared to having to comprehend that this woman who stood for so much within the Plus Community is now gone.

Mia Amber Davis
I wasn't close to Mia like so many of my friends, colleagues and associates on Facebook, but it did not lessen the blow of hearing that she passed. What strikes me the most--what I think we can all learn from Mia--is that she lived her life. From TV producer, to actress, to plus size model on both the runway and in print ads, she shined proudly as a plus size woman that we could all look up to because she was one of us! Unlike some plus models who would not want to even begin to want to admit that they had ever been told they were not attractive because of their weight, Mia acknowledged knowing how it felt to be discriminated against because of her size. She told women to proudly love the skin they are in, and to not listen to the media and what they deemed to be beautiful.

It's times like these when you realize that life is short. No one is promised tomorrow sounds so cliche, but truer words have never been spoken. It saddens me so that we will not longer be able to see her strut her stuff on "Rip the Runway" or see her pose in the fabulous fashions from Monif C., Ashley Stewart, or BGU. Mia was a statuesque beauty, a true Super Model in the Plus Model industry. She has left behind in her too short life a legacy of purpose. We cannot be scared to do the things that we want in life because all too soon, life can be gone. I cannot count the times that I stopped myself from doing something my heart yearns to do because of fear--fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown. But I do not want to be known as the one who had all the ideas, but just never quite realized them. I don't want anyone speaking about me saying "she COULD HAVE been something great." And while greatness is not promised to everyone, I would much rather be remembered as someone who boldly dared to do it than someone who was too scared to even try.

Mia is a woman who boldly dared.

Mia Amber Davis, I thank you for all that you have done for the Plus Community. I am so sad that you are gone. I am sad for your family and friends who I know love you beyond measure and are at such a loss without you. I thank you for being such an inspiration to a generation of plus size women who, because of you, can look into a mirror and tell themselves that they are beautiful, and can dare to rip a runway with the poise and grace that you have. May your soul rest in peace. And to quote Kim Coles, "Teach the angels to pose."

Weekly Motivation 05.15.11

2011-05-15T06:00:00.001-04:00

"To move forward you've got to step out and do or say something that may make zero sense to everyone but you. Some folks will claim you're taking a leap of faith or that you've lost your mind. You first must turn a goal or an obstacle inside out and look at it from all possible angles then you'll recognize that what you can do far out-weighs what you can't."
~ Lucille Singleton

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to NYC...

2011-04-01T20:43:00.000-04:00

[originally drafted 12/31/10]

My friends on Facebook saw the status message that I posted last night around 9:00pm:
LMAO @ the skinny European dude who literally just flipped out because the "fat girl" (aka me) was told to sit next to him. He demanded a seat change & he got it--right next to a fat dude & his uncaged dog. Now, I have my own seat. *smile*

I spent the holidays with my mom & dad in their new home in Rincon, GA (about 30 miles west of Savannah). I have started taking Amtrak down there because although the trip is l-o-n-g, it is far cheaper than flying down. My trip down was so carefree. I had a seat mate, and he and I got along fine.

Of course it would be coming home, December 30th overnight into New Year's Eve, that would bring some drama. The train is a Silver Meteor, which leaves out of Miami instead of out of Savannah. So obviously, there are people already on the train and the conductors assign seats based on what your stop is. I get ready to board and the 1st conductor tells me to enter the train and go to the car on the left, seat 26. I do so and find a man draped across both seats like he is home in his La-Z-Boy. I say excuse me polietly twice and he finally looks up.

"The conductor assigned me this seat," I tell him quietly. He sucks his teeth, and begins to move his belongings. I take my coat off, place it in the overhead comparment, and sit down.

Now, I've been in situations like this. You sit down next to someone who clearly has an issue sitting next to a fat person. I could see if my thigh or arm or shoulder was touching his because I was overlapping into his seat. I wasn't! But, I guess he just was mad that he no longer had his own seat. The man gets up, climbs over me dramatically, and begins to look for a conductor. I'm oblivious to what is going on until he is coming back up the aisle with another conductor and he is fussing:

"I do not understand why I have to sit next to the fat girl. It is not right! I demand a seat change!"

The train, which was relatively quiet, got very silent as this skinny dude with some sort of European accent (Russian? German? *shrugs*) is going off about how he does not feel it fair that he should have to sit next to a fat person, how we take up too much space and he was going to be uncomfortable. A few people turn to look for my reaction and it is at that point that I realize I can handle this one of two ways. I can either let the "Angry Black Girl" out and make an equal fuss about his rudeness, or I can play it calm and cool, look at him like "What did I do? I just did what the conductor told me." and see what would happen.

I honestly wasn't angry at dude for his outburst. It had been so long since I had been face to face with one of these fat bias situations that I really was like "Dude, seriously?" The conductors, seeing that I am not reacting at all, move him to another seat--next to a robust man with an uncaged dog. After complaining about that as well, he is moved next to an elderly lady and that is where he stayed until we all got off the train in NYC.

Mind you, he had to be told to remove his bags and belongings from where I was sitting by the head conductor--who was the cutest short Paula Deen-esque woman, who apologized profusely and hoped that I wasn't inconvenienced by the gentleman's behavior.

What did I learn?

1) There is such a thing as karma/divine intervention. And it showed itself on that train when the rudeness of that man got him an uncomfortable seat and my graciousness about the situation got me a seat to myself the whole 14 hour way home.

2) People are always going to have their assumptions and pre-conceived notions about us. After speaking with the conductors, they believed that it was more color than size that had the man's undies in a bunch. Either way, wrong is wrong.

3) I'm pretty sure the situation would have been completely different had I been flying rather than riding on Amtrak. Had I been flying, I'm pretty sure that I would have been asked to leave the plane and purchase a second seat based off of the man's complaints. I think major airlines should borrow a page from Amtrak and how they handled the situation.

Weight discrimination is real, folks. It is one reason why I try to make Belle-Noir Magazine so much more than just about plus size fashion. Yes, it is so important to look fabulous and have access to clothing that fits to make that possible. But it is equally important to support those who are fighting on the behalf of size acceptance and making sure that anti-weight discrimination laws are being included in equal opportunity laws around the country.

2011: What's In Store For Ms. Aja B.?

2011-01-02T18:32:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year Everyone!

I hope that you all had a great holiday season and are now looking forward to the promises that 2011 have in store for all of us. This time of year, of course, you see everyone posting about their resolutions for this New Year. I am someone who has consistently sucked at keeping personal resolutions. Call it lack of willpower, lack of discipline, or just being in my own way, when it comes to things that will benefit me personally, I usually start out strong and then slowly let the flame die out.

I considered writing out a list of resolutions/goals for myself for this year, but instead, I am leaning more towards following the lead of my friend Latisha when she proclaimed on her blog that she is going to go into 2011 without rules, "just realizations". Write it down and then...DO IT!

Clearly, one of my main goals is the progression of Belle-Noir Communications. And even though the digital launch was a great step in the right direction, it is just that--a step. And while Belle-Noir does fall in both personal and professional for me, there are other personal goals that I have. And, as I learned while watching NBC Sunday Today in New York, they don't have to be so large that they become daunting.

So, I'm sharing a few here and will hold y'all accountable for checking me on these if you don't hear about me doing any of them over the next few weeks LOL!

Wearing make-up to work one day a week. Maybe this will allow me to perfect that "15 minute face" everyone talks about.
Checking out a new restaurant once a month. There are so many that NYC has to offer--including several by some owned & operated of my favorite Food Network Chefs/Personalities--which leads to...
Make at least one new recipe a week. I am a foodie. I love Food Network. I have a file of recipes that is as thick as an encyclopedia. Why am I clipping them if I am not utilizing them to see which ones taste great and which ones can be tossed?
Blogging here once a week, minimum.

There are certainly a few others that I have jotted down. But for right now? These are the main three that I see will overlap into others (I'm sure that doesn't make sense, but if all goes well--or even if it doesn't--all will be revealed in time).

Regardless of how you personally decide to handle resolutions, I hope that you will GO FOR IT this year! What are some of your goals/resolutions/realizations for 2011?

It's Election Day!

2010-11-02T09:07:00.000-04:00

"Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote."~George Jean Nathan

Note to Maura Kelly: Fat People on TV is Nothing New--At Least, Not To Me

2010-10-30T10:52:00.000-04:00

So, a lot of people have been commenting on the post on MarieClaire.com from blogger Maura Kelly. For the record, I do think that the post has a disgrace. Of all of the responses I've read, I give two big thumbs up (pun intended) to the ladies over at Gemini Magazine for an equally humorous and well thought-out response.

I have received a few notes from people asking me where I stood (or for that matter Belle-Noir Magazine stood) on the whole ordeal. I personally have not watched Mike and Molly (I think it comes on against another show I watch and I honestly just miss it). But for me, personally, watching plus size people on TV is nothing new.

On sit-coms that are about Black families or that have had Black actors & actresses in leading roles, there have always been plus size characters on TV. Anyone remember "Give Me A Break" with actress Nell Carter? She was plus size, large and in charge. What about actress Esther Rolle as Florida Evans on "Good Times" and actress Shirley Hemphill who played Shirley Wilson, the waitress on Good Times? The matriarch and patriarch of the Winslow family on "Family Matters" were portrayed by Reginald VelJohnson and Jo Marie Payton respectively, two wonderful actors who would both be considered plus size. Even today, on the Tyler Perry hit "House of Payne", Curtis and Ella Payne are a loving married couple (and there is no mistaking their being clearly plus size).

(Please note: this is NOT a commentary on the roles of Black actors on television, per se. I already know that people will balk at my mentioning "Give Me A Break" and Shirley from Good Times as not being romantically involved on their shows. This is more about the idea of plus size people being on TV.)

And...just for the record....Mike and Molly are *not* the first plus size White couple on TV either. Anyone remember a little show called "Roseanne"?

Is the difference that Mike & Molly has been openly publicized as a show about the relationship between two plus size people? I'm not sure. But what I do know is that this completely reminds me of an article that Ms. Cassandra Jones-McBryde wrote for DailyVenusDiva.com about cultural differences in the plus community. The article discusses how there is a difference in the curvy community when it comes to how plus size is seen in the eyes of white women and black women. Truly a thought-provoking read, and one that I hope more people take a moment to consider.

It disturbs me that Marie Claire thought it okay to publish Maura Kelly's blog post. Perhaps they did it knowing that the plus blogging community would spring into action. It would get their name out in the open (note: "all publicity is good publicity"), get people buzzing about them, etc. If we are all so outraged that Marie Claire has let this post slip through the cracks, the best weapon would be to stop hash tagging them on Twitter, stop linking to their website in posts about Ms. Kelly, etc. If you are really up in arms, cancel your subscription. Today. Right now. Because for the publishing world, money is what talks.

Also, please note: articles like the one from Ms. Kelly are exactly the reason why there needs to be just as much focus on advocacy in the plus community as their is industry in the plus community. But again, that is another post for another day.

Thoughts, ladies & gents? I welcome them.

Plus Positive: The Full Body Photo Project & Contest

2010-10-19T15:15:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone!

I had to share an awesome contest that my girl Jessica Kane of FatshionChic.com is hosting on her blog in association with Lane Bryant!

For a few months now, Jessica (who, BTW, is the Publisher of Skorch Magazine, a fab plus fashion publication) has been promoting the Full Body Photo Project, encouraging plus size ladies to post full length photos of themselves. The mission is to encourage women to love their entire bodies, and not just themselves from the neck up. We are more than a pretty head shot, we are beautiful regardless of size!

Jessica has partnered with Lane Bryant to give one lucky woman a $1,000 shopping spree at Lane Bryant when you enter the Full Body Photo Project Contest.

You can enter in 2 easy steps:
1) Upload your fabulous full body image at www.facebook.com/fatshionchic.

2) Fill out the entry form at www.fatshionchic.com.

The contest ends on November 2, 2010.

I don't know about you, but a $1,000 shopping spree at Lane Bryant would have me looking LOVELY for the rest of the autumn and all through the winter (especially since they go up to a 26/28 *smile*)! So put your best foot forward and scoot on over to Fatshion Chic and enter TODAY! Tell them Ms. Aja B. sent ya!

Size "Diversity" and Why Most of You Still Don't Get It

2010-10-14T08:48:00.000-04:00

So...what I have to say is NOT going to be popular. At all. In fact, a lot of the associates that I have within the plus size community will not like what I have to say. But, it must be said.

For as many plus size fashionista bloggers that there are in the blogsphere, it is a shame that most of you are missing the point. And quite frankly still don't get it.

I have read quite a few reviews of the new fashion line Miss Tina by Tina Knowles (aka Beyonce's Mom) has debuted at Walmart. One thing that I have noticed is that many bloggers have praised Ms. Knowles for her "size diversity" in that her line starts at a size 2 and goes up to a size 20.

*insert record skipping scratch here*

I'm sorry, but for a clothing line to go up to a size 20 does NOT show size diversity. As is usually the case with fashion, it shows that unless you are smaller than a 24, you are not going to get affordable and stylish clothing. When I first checked out the line, I was so excited about several of the pieces. Until I saw that the line stopped at a size 20. Now, Walmart does have a plus size line--it carries Just My Size up to a size 30/32. However, Just My Size is considerably more casual pieces. Why can't a woman size 24 and up get something that is sassy, affordable, and--dare I say it--on trend? And when we CAN get something absolutely lovely and stylish, why does a simple dress have to be $100+ dollars?

*sighs*
I am not a fashionista. So maybe I just don't get it. I am just someone who wishes that all of these celebrities--and even some of the plus size designers that I truly adore and have featured on Belle-Noir in the past--would create their designs in a size above a 24. Is it that designers don't think that women who are a size 24 or above care about how we look? Do you think that we don't care about what we wear because we are larger than what society might consider acceptable even as a plus size woman? Is it just discrimination? Is it a financial issue? I really do want to know. I have seen a lot of petitions going around to convince retail chains to include plus size designers in their stores. I must say that if they listen, but only carry up to a size 20, I will severely regret signing that petition.

Maybe it is a plus community vs. size acceptance community issue. In a world where the plus community is a movement, I would see bloggers critiquing these new fashion lines, but wondering why the lines stop at a 20. Even most department stores carry up to a 24 (we will discusss where the plus size clothing sections are in relation to other departments in another post, but you get the point). Instead, I find that since most plus fashionistas fall within the size ranges of all of these new fashion lines, they don't see the problem with a jeans line that goes up to only an 18 but is calling itself a plus size line (waving at Cookie Johnson). They don't speak up when an affordable and pretty stylish line only goes up to a 20. They just applaud that a line that is largely straight sizes has thrown a bone at some plus size gals by fitting at least SOME of us.

Meanwhile, the size acceptance movement is seemginly more worried about other issues and could care less about fashion (more about that in another post too).

Either way, I intend to try and do something about it. I just have to rally the troops! In the meantime, I need to know...are there more of you out there feeling the frustration? I'm not trying to start any beefs. I applaud all of my plus fashionistas because you have all made the fashion world and media take notice! And I get and respect that the plus modeling industry has its own set of standards and rules. But as for the everyday plus size woman? Let us be careful about praising designers who throw the plus community scraps. Inclusion should include ALL plus size women, not just some.

So...

2010-10-13T20:40:00.000-04:00

I'm back! Sort of...

I know this blog has been collecting dust for the past few months. So...where have I been? Well, I am currently once again full steam ahead with all things Belle-Noir. The magazine has relaunched as a digital issue. So now, my world is once again all about all things plus size. It is invigorating, but at the same time, it is still very frustrating. I do feel myself fighting those same battles that at the beginning of the year had me drafting this post and in the gym four to five times a week.

I won't lie and say that I was completely happy when I was working on my weight. I wasn't. I abhor the gym. Eating healthy, while exciting when all my extra time is focused on losing weight and I am in the kitchen trying new recipes, is a drag and difficult when you are now essentially working two jobs and do not have time to cook. But as I mentioned in my Halfway Point post, I do feel the changes in my body.

At the same time, I am feeling a void in the plus community when it comes to women who are my size (26/28). It was a post about the new clothing line by Tina Knowles (aka Beyonce's Mom) on The Curvy Fashionista (note: Marie Denee is one of my favorite people in the plus community) that really brought my frustration to a head. And after doing a quick roll call on the Belle-Noir Facebook page, I realized that other women who were above a size 24 were feeling the same type of frustrations that I was. There's only one blogger that I know--shout out to Jessica Kane over at FatshionChic.com--who is a proud 26/28 and wears it WELL and take the time to show us plus size girls where she gets her stylish threads.

Hence, my feeling like I need to start a personal blog again. I had one many moons ago under my other Internet alias, BronxPearl. But the days of hiding behind aliases and screen names are long gone. I mentioned before that this is NOT going to be a fashionista blog. And I promise that it won't. Really, I need a place to vent some things out separate from the mag. A place where I can discuss everything plus size and nothing plus size if I so choose. Especially since there will be some new staff coming on board over at the mag, and I do not want to have to put a disclaimer on every post of mine that reads "The views & opinions expressed here are those of Ms. Aja B. and not Belle-Noir Magazine, or its staff."

Might I post a cute pic of me every once in awhile? Yup. Might I post a note about a great restaurant or great event I attended? Yup. Might you get a great recipe-be it light and flavorful or full of fat and sinful? Yup.

Basically, this is the world according to Ms. Aja B. I am not promising to post daily. It will most likely be weekly-ish. The only thing I can guarantee is that it will be an adventure. I'm a Gemini, so anything can--and probably will--happen. LOL!

Peace & Love, (and welcome aboard!)
Ms. Aja B.

The Halfway Point

2010-07-01T00:48:00.000-04:00

Today, June 30, is the last day in the 1st half of 2010. Is it just me, or has the 1st part of 2010 flown by? I remember when the "older" folks would say that years start to fly by as you get older. Now, I know what they mean.

So I am sure that the first question on every one's mind is: how are you doing with your weight loss? I cannot tell a lie: I allowed it to be pushed to the back burner for a minute. While I have not been eating the way I used to before February 1st of this year, I have only seen the inside of Planet Fitness maybe all of four times in the past couple of months.

I have no excuses. I know me. I easily let anything and everything else come before me and my own well-being. Instead of saying that little two letter word "no", I just keep it moving. And in the back of my mind, I say "Tomorrow will be another day. Tomorrow, I will get back on track." But you know what they say about tomorrow...

I feel the difference in my body though, and that is enough to kick this layoff on my journey to "Size Healthy" to the curb and get back on track. For awhile, my body was feeling great--not so much now. That, and I realize that this is more than just about my physical weight. It is also about letting go of the emotional baggage as well. When you already have plenty of self-confidence, I would imagine that losing weight is easy. There's no internal record that plays all sorts of negative thinking in your mind. You just think about how awesome you already are, and how much more awesome you will be when you get healthy & lose some weight. That is part of the reason why I titled this blog, "A Fat Girl, Interrupted", because I know that I have to get rid of all of my old ways of thinking about my relationships with food, people, even myself.

So, this is the halfway point. I'm dedicating myself to making it happen for myself the rest of this year and beyond. I'm the only one standing in my way.

Hope everyone working towards there personal "Size Healthy" goals are doing wonderfully! And if you might be like me and are experiencing your own straying from the journey, there's no time like today to get started all over again! No shame, no guilt, just a new resolve to move forward!

See y'all again soon!

Calorie Counting: How Many Calories Are In That, Anyway?

2010-05-23T09:13:00.000-04:00

It's Saturday morning and you have settled in for a morning of watching one of your favorite cable stations, Food Network. You are watching Bobby, Rachael, Paula, Sunny and Tyler whip up their tasty treats and you see a recipe that literally makes your mouth water. You think you might already have half of the ingredients in the fridge, and the other half, you can easily pick up at the grocery store.

You turn on your computer and pull up the recipe on the Food Network website. In checking out the recipe, it seems simple enough, but then you see one important thing missing that is vital for you on your weight loss journey: nutitional information. Specifically, how many calories, how much fat, how much sodium is in that 5 ingredient fix or that 30 minute meal?

Now, you can figure out the nutritional information for your favorite recipes, thanks to SparkPeople.com. They have a tool on their website called The Receipe Calculator where you add the ingredients from your recipe and they give you the estimated nutritional information of that recipe. I tried this for a recipe recently (which will be making its debut on the site in a few days--yay!). The pros: it did provide all of the information I was looking for as far as calories, fat, sodium, sugar, etc. The format even looked like the back of a package label. The cons: it is a little time consuming and sometimes, you have to convert measurements (i.e. turning cups into tablespoons--ugh! At least they do provide a conversion calculator as well).

Overall, I think it is a great tool. I am someone who is always watching Food Network and with the exception of Ellie Kreiger's show, they aren't very good with providing nutritional information on recipes.

Would you try the Recipe Calculator? Do you know of any others on the web?

Weekly Wrap-up 05.07.10

2010-05-07T10:44:00.000-04:00

Hey y'all!

So...I know. I've been MIA. Please forgive me. One reason I've been away is that I have been really considering what I want to do with this here blog. I mean, my coming by weekly to tell you whether I have met my goal of not giving into some cookies, cakes, or pie is definitely NOT exciting. What I came to realize is that this whole weight loss journey is more than just about moving the weight and striving towards "Size Healthy". Now that I am seeing results with the weight loss, I have been thinking about working on improving other things as well.

For example, one issue I've been plagued with mercilessly since about age 12 is acne. And while sometimes my skin is better than others, it is still something I struggle with as an adult. In a similar vain, I'm also trying to figure out what I want to do with my hair. I follow some pretty awesome hair & beauty blogs, and always say to myself "You know, I need to try that shampoo/conditioner/hair oil one day".

So, my friends, this journey of mine is about to get a little more structured. It won't be a fashion blog, it won't be a beauty blog, it won't be a food blog, but it will encompass all of those things and more. I have yet to decide whether anything truly personal will show up here. It might in a rant and rave type moment. But what it will be is all about sharing my journey. Shoot, I might even drop a vlog or two for y'all! *smile*

I already have an idea for my first "real" post. So stay tuned & have an awesome weekend!

Weekly Wrap-Up 04.10.10

2010-04-10T13:07:00.000-04:00

The Bad News: I fell off the wagon. Hard. I only went to the gym once and I did NOT eat properly all week.

The Good News: I didn't gain any weight (although arguably, this could be bad news since I didn't lose any either).

I have not been cooking for myself like I did when I first started my "Size Healthy" journey. Mostly because since my mom and dad are in New York right now taking care of some doctor's appointments, the kitchen is not mine again. I had enjoyed spending the majority of my Sunday in the kitchen cooking my lunch and dinner for the week. I can't really do that now. It's an excuse, yes, because I could always just get in the kitchen, do what I need to do, and get out. I am going to get back in the kitchen this weekend though. I have to.

More Good News: I conquered a new level and speed on the treadmill yesterday. My knee hurts like the dickens right now, but it was so worth it. I can truly say that I missed the gym! My time on the treadmill is my time to think, to sing along to all the favorite tunes I have on my iPod, and just zone out for 60 minutes. My bicep exercises are working, but I need a lot of help on my triceps. Bat wings for REAL! LOL!

So...I'm back on the wagon. This week was a true testament to the saying "No pain, no gain".

Hope everyone is sticking to it! And if you had a fall like I did, remember to tell yourself that it is okay and get back on the wagon NOW. Not tomorrow, but right now.

Peace & Love, y'all!

Winning at Losing: Jennifer Hudson

2010-04-10T12:59:00.000-04:00

The media has been a buzz with the latest news that Jennifer Hudson is the new spokesperson for Weight Watchers. She has a series of new ads out that you can check out on Weight Watcher's Youtube Channel. But this is the ad that touched me the most:

I have not been dilligent in checking to see what people in the plus community have said about Jennifer's weight loss and her new very sleek look. But I have to applaud her for, as she says, empowering herself. It is an awesome feeling to be in the body that you want. I am working hard to get to that point. And while Weight Watchers is not a ~~diet~~ healthy eating plan that I have considered, to each his or her own. Whatever works, right?

What do you think of Jennifer Hudson's new look? Any thoughts on her weight loss? Are you inspired? Disappointed that she's not a plus size woman anymore?

Weekly Wrap-up 03.27.10

2010-03-27T19:57:00.000-04:00

Hey y'all (in my best Paula Deen voice)!

I do not have much to report this week, mostly because I kind of fell off the wagon so to speak. I didn't binge on sweets, fast foods, or anything like that. I have been in my own funk and some things going on at home have kept me out of the gym and frustrated. I am determined to do better this week, though because April 1st will be here this week, and with it, only 60+ days until my birthday and the first goal marker I had set for myself. I wanted to lose 25 pounds by my birthday. I'm not sure how I'm half way there. At least I was until this week. I haven't weighed myself, but starting April 1st, as much as I do not want to, I will be weighing everyday. I still feel the difference in my clothing. In fact, I got back into a pair of jeans that had gotten too tight for me to zip up and I zipped them with ease. So I know my mini-slip didn't do too much damage.

Still--*sighs*

I have always known I was an emotional eater. This week, it reared its ugly head very openly. I will blog about it later this week. However, I am thinking about bringing in some professional assistance to help with this weight loss journey. A "check-up from the neck up" never hurt anyone, right?

As you can see, I have uploaded a new template to spruce the place up abit. The all white starkness was just so not me. I have my own idea for how I want this space to look, but this will work for now. What do you think?

I am also thinking about starting Alli as of April 1st. I purchased the starter kit a few weeks back, but haven't started it because--well--I was scared of the side effects that using it and then eating something overly fatty can cause. Anyone out there try it and have anything to share?

I am going to make this a better week and get back on track. I am still motivated! I just need to figure out how to work through some of the emotions I'm going through and continue to make some decisions for myself. I know that all sounds cryptic and vauge as hell. LOL! Just know that I'm still working towards my Size Healthy me--just realize that it's going to take even MORE work than I even began to imagine.

Make it a great week, y'all! Check back in sometime this week!

Weekly Motivation 03.21.10

2010-03-21T11:30:00.000-04:00

“Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.”

~Mark Victor Hansen

Thanks, But No Thanks

2010-03-17T19:46:00.000-04:00

Today, I wanted a cookie.

Not just a cookie. I wanted three cookies to be exact.

The sunshine was calling my name at lunchtime today. So I decided to take a walk over to Subway and get an oven roasted chicken sandwhich on whole wheat bread, no cheese, with lettuce, tomato, onions, sweet peppers & fat free honey mustard. I ordered my sandwich, happy that I said no the Montery Cheddar bread and to the slices on Provolone cheese that I used to throw on one of my favorite sammies.

And then I got to the end of the counter...

I haven't had a cookie since February 1st. I've been tempted. But I know that right now, moving the weight is more important than any cookie, piece of cake, etc. that can cross my lips. But I will be DARNED if those white chocolate macadamia nut cookies weren't calling me today.

"Aja, you've been so good. What is one cookie going to do? Better yet...3 for $1.00? What will that really do? You are going to the gym tonight. You can burn us right off..."

I can tell on myself and say that I was just about to ask for 3 cookies when I saw the calorie count on just ONE cookie: 250 calories! Times three? Seriously? 750 calories? Hell to the naw!

I just had to share that with the universe today. I was faced with temptation and, just for today? I was able to say "Thanks, but no thanks!"

Menu Planning 101: Lesson 1

2010-03-15T08:55:00.000-04:00

Lesson 1: Menu Planning Takes Planning

Okay, y'all. I know this might seem blatantly obvious, but believe me, there is more to it than meets the eye. Or at least that is what I have learned six weeks into my journey. I have been diligent in looking for recipes that are simple to cook., store well, and will work well for both dinner and leftover lunch. At first I was thinking on a very abstract level:

Okay, I'll make some chicken this week, and I'll eat it with some of the frozen veggies in the freezer. Breakfast? I'll figure that out in the morning.

All wrong, folks.

The problem with this for me is that, well, the frozen veggies I thought I'd be able to eat off of for at least 3 days, I finish off in two. The chicken that was supposed to pull me through until at least Thursday is done by Wednesday's lunch. And I tell myself I will just eat oatmeal for breakfast, knowing full well that if I eat my oatmeal at home, I am still hungry by the time I get to work.

Rule #1: Menu Planning includes meals AND snacks. In all of the healthy lifestyle websites I've been reading up on so far, they all essentially suggest that I eat six times a day. Some call for 3 meals and 3 snacks. Others call for six small meals. I'm sure there are differences in the two. Right now? I am working on 3 meals and 3 snacks. It's a mental fakeout, but hey--I sometimes look forward more to snacks than I do the actual meal.

Rule #2: Keep a well stocked pantry AND freezer. Frozen veggies are my best friend. In some cases--like with spinach--I find that I actually get more bang for my buck when buying frozen than buying fresh. Never mind that buying frozen and pre-chopped veggies saves time. I cook my meats on Sunday and then only have to add veggies to them during the week, which works wonderfully with my new afterwork gym routine. I also take the time to buy my snacks & keep them on hand. As much as I like the convenience of those 100 calorie packs, another thing that has been consistent with the healthy living & eating sites is cutting out processed foods. *sighs* So, I am arming myself with yogurt (those Yoplait yogurts in the dessert flavors? YUM! Especially the key lime pie.), almonds, fruit (mostly red delicious apples, although I'm going to try those Dole fruit cups I saw advertised today when I find them), etc. Since the choice of healthy snacks where I work is either non-existent or highly expensive, this is key for me.

When I have the foods right at my fingertips, ~~it doesn't matter whether I plan ahead & pack my lunch the night before or do it when I get up in the morning~~. Okay, it does matter in that I am not a morning person, so I try to eek out as much sleep as possible. So having everything right there is fab when I am rushing out the door.

All of this is so new to me. It really is creating a new relationship with food--and myself. I love getting up on Saturday morning, having my cup of tea (I am in love with Celestial Seasoning's Morning Thunder) and looking through the circulars for what's on sale, and making my shoping list. I look forward to cooking on Sundays. And I'm actually using some of the recipes I have collected over the years (although I have gotten rid of some too--that's another post).

These are the basics to my menu planning. I'm finding there are more tips than meets the eye at every step of the process. LOL! Do you plan your meals? Any tips?

Happy Planning, y'all!

Weekly Motivation 03.14.10

2010-03-14T16:14:00.000-04:00

The power of love to change bodies is legendary, built into folklore, common sense, and everyday experience. Love moves the flesh, it pushes matter around.... Throughout history, "tender loving care" has uniformly been recognized as a valuable element in healing.

~Larry Dossey

Weekly Wrap-Up 03.13.10

2010-03-13T08:03:00.000-05:00

This was an interesting week for me. I can confess that after starting out STRONG at the gym (two days in a row) I petered out because the monthly beast grabbed me with wreckless abandon and cramps the likes of which I haven't felt in a few years. Yuck. But I am going to go to the gym tomorrow morning with a friend and get right back on the horse.

Remember how I mentioned I was working on a Menu-Planning post? Well, I still am, and this week only proved the importance to me. Lesson #1 in Menu-Planning: You have to commit to doing it. Otherwise, eating right becomes all the more difficult. Fortunately, I had made myself a big pot of this delicious Lentil & Tomato Soup because that is what got me through the week eating at least decently--I won't even say well.

The best part of the week? My friend Stacy recommended to me an AWESOMELY motivational book called "Confessions of a Carb Queen" by Susan Blech. Susan is a woman who at age 38 was 468.1 pounds. Yes, you read that right. The book is her memoir on why she gained the weight, why she kept the weight on for as long as she did, and how she loses the weight--in more ways than one. You will be hearing a LOT about this book over the next few weeks (maybe even months) because I saw so much of myself in the book. There were behaviors that she engaged in that while I didn't do them as aggressively and extensively as she did, I completely recognized myself in certain situations, moments, etc.

If you are on a weight loss journey (note: I loved that she also called it a journey) GO OUT NOW AND BUY THE BOOK! You can also learn more at http://www.susanblech.com/.

Thanks to the ladies who are following me so far. I appreciate ya! If there are any topics you would like to see covered on this blog, let me know. I know I am just getting into posting regularly. I am also going to start posting my Food Diary entries (ummm...once I become consistent with writing them down myself *smh*).

One step at a time. One pound at a time. Hope y'all had a good week & make it a great weekend!

Sisters in the Struggle: Sources of Inspiration

2010-03-08T11:32:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, over on my online magazine/blog for plus size women of Color, Belle-Noir.com, I dropped this post for my readers to tell them about my new journey and why things had been so quiet over there as of late. The response from both readers I know well and readers I have never met—as well as friends & family-- was so wonderfully positive. It was good to finally put it out there for the world to see.

Now, of course, it’s time to keep on keeping on.

I am working on some longer posts, and some series of posts (one series will revolve around the importance of menu planning—I cannot BEGIN to tell you how important this is in the healthy living, healthy eating battle). In the meantime, I wanted to share with you a few of the websites that I have been turning to for inspiration and guidance along my journey. Maybe they will be sources of inspiration for you as well.

A Black Girl’s Guide to Weight Loss: This beautiful sister has managed to lose 145 pounds and is still losing weight! She provides tips on how she did it as well as shares recipes, exercise tips, and more.

Inspired Life At Every Size (aka The Fat Girl Weight Loss Map): I had the pleasure of meeting Trenia Parham a few years ago through Christian, one of the winners of Belle-Noir’s 1st Model Search. Through her blog, newsletters, tele-seminars and workshops, she guides plus size women through the weight loss. Her weekly newsletter sports motivational quotes and a healthy recipe.

The Vanishing Vixen: Gina Brotherton is the gorgeous beauty behind GGX Jewels, and is now also a blogger sharing with us all her journey to a new healthier life for herself and her absolutely precious daughter.

If you have a site that is all about getting healthy and losing weight, share it! What are some of your sources of inspiration in your healthy living journey?

Weekly Wrap-up 02.20.10

2010-02-20T16:18:00.000-05:00

I am still working on exactly what I want to share on this blog about my journey. I have made some decisions about how often I am going to be weighing myself for right now. Experts say that early on in the weight loss process you should weigh yourself everyday. But being the ~~obsessive~~ person I am, for now, I am going to weigh myself on the 1st and the 15th of the month. At least until the end of June.

I also have decided to do a weekly wrap-up post that will discuss how my week was, any struggles in the gym, struggles with eating right, achievements, setbacks, etc. So, this is my first one and it is all about my case of the "don't-wanna-go-to-the-gym" blues this week.

I did not feel like going to the gym this week. Monday I was excited about getting to the gym, and I cranked out my 60 minutes on the treadmill and did a little bit of work for my abs. I was trying to really get into it, but I let a testosterone-filled competition move myself out of the way. My gym buddies--Elijah and Jay--are truly awesome in their support. Both of them have a bit more free time than I do at present moment, so they have been seeing a lot more of the inside of the gym, and as such, they have met up with men who are all trying to either maintain pretty nice looking bodies, or are working on getting their bodies in summertime shape. Which is all well and good. But when the testosterone starts flying i.e. "You gonna let him bench more than you, dude?!? C'mon son!" I knew it was time for me to make a graceful exit. When I did, I felt silly because I could have just moved on to do something by myself. I tried to rationalize with myself that I had done my 60 minutes on the treadmill on a new level and speed, which had burned more calories than ever before. But I knew that I could have done a lot more.

Wednesday was not that bad at the gym. I was proud of myself for pushing myself to go even after getting out of work at 7:30pm. I put in my 60 minutes on the treadmill and did some leg work. Not too shabby.

Friday? Ugh. Did not want to go to the gym. Rough day at work=wanting to go home and just crash on the bed. And I had every intention of driving home, stopping at Wendy's for a Chicken Club & Fries, coming home and vegging out while watching the Olympics. I dropped my co-worker off literally five minutes from my house. But this voice in my head said "You already did two days this week. Get your third day in. You don't need Wendy's. You need your 60 minutes on the treadmill to clear your head of today's work funk." I proudly drove all the way back to Harlem to the gym. Worked out some of my frustration on the treadmill, and the rest when I got home as I cleaned the kitchen and snacked on a bowl of Special K Berry Yogurt.

Progress.

This weekend is all about menu planning for me. I realize that will not only help with the calorie & fat intake, but will also help keep those Wendy's urges at bay. But that is another post for another day.

What was your week like? Any goals accomplished? Anyone else feel the gym blues like me this week?

Once Upon A Time...

2010-01-02T16:14:00.000-05:00

There was a girl who was chubby. She was a chubby pre-schooler who grew into a chubby teenager, who grew into a plus size young adult. Now, at age 32, this girl, was ready for a change. She had been ready for this change for awhile, but had come up with every excuse as to why she should not. What was on the other side, she asked herself? She had already started a successful online mag for plus size women like herself, encouraging them to love themselves. And certainly, she did love herself. She loved her mind. She loved the things that she could do. She loved everything about herself--except the outer casing that herself was wrapped in.
She didn't want to be skinny. But then again, she had nothing to compare being heavy to. In all honesty, she really just wanted to lose her double chin. And her bat wings. And maybe some of the rolls of fat on her back. And possibly the two liter bottle of fat that was where her abs should be. Anything past that would be a bonus.

After much debate, in her mind, she realized she had nothing to lose. But weight. And only more life to gain.

Will she end up at a happily ever after? Not sure. But will she find a new self? We shall see...